The Real Housewife of Herriman

If Bravo ever did casting in Herriman, UT I'm fairly sure after my performance today, I would be highly considered for the spot.  Today was prime content for the Twilight Zone.  

Warning: the following material may be either slightly offensive or extremely scary.  I can't decide.

I woke up at 5am, and started off the day with a spin class with some other moms in the neighborhood.  It kicked my butt (or bruised it) and I got a few chats in with the other moms!  I felt so very homey.  Then I got home so very bright and early, did some dishes, or "tidied up the house" so to speak.  

As I didn't have work today, I offered to watch my nephew Eli for the entire day, and this is where the fun begins.  We started with a great breakfast with fruit, eggs, and all, then I got him and dressed and we were off in the stroller to return a few Redbox movies and to visit the park.  We ventured out and went to a different park about a mile away, however it may have been a little too grown up for Eli considering I had to help him up on everything.  Nonetheless, a growing experience, right?  It was so funny to see how scared he was going down the slide, and I couldn't help but laugh.  I decided to go up and ride one with him.  The kid was not joking!  It was the steepest slide, not to mention the burn from the plastic!  Let's just say the parks of the City of Herriman need a little visit from Leslie Knope.  And the more bogus part is that there are no swings.  Personally, my childhood would not have been complete without swings.  I still have the pinch scars on my fingers to prove it! I conversed with the other moms, discussing the woes of teaching your child to talk, or other learning curves to conquer.  However, I kept a safe distance because I was worried the other moms would want to set up one of those so-called "play dates" or a time to bake something.  No, thank you.

We walked home and Eli probably ran for about half a mile of it!  It was very disheartening to see that he was in such good shape, however I kept telling myself I was just tired from this morning.  Made myself feel better.  After that it was a bath for Eli then some lunch!  (Oh gosh, I'm already starting to make myself sick with how I'm sounding.)  He went down for a nap around 1:30, and what does that mean?  I get to take a nap too.  (Remember, I woke up at 5am and I'm a recent college graduate = extremely difficult.)

Finally Eli got up around 4 and it was time to go to the store to get a few remaining ingredients for dinner.  After Eli tried to grab 20 packs of Oreos, we made it out of our friendly Herriman Smith's alive, and it was time for some cookin'!  On the menu: potato hamburger casserole and pasta salad.  Random, I know, but we had most of the stuff for them already.  

On a random note, in Relief Society (yes, another check for my "housewife" list) on Sunday the teacher asked a question about what things can give us a negative attitude.  Some of my favorite answers were "I always get down when I mop the floor and my kids get it dirty again," or "when my husband calls me an hour before dinner and says he has to stay at work."  I leaned over to the lady next to me and said, "yeah, I worry about those things too."  I think if the scriptures described some of Jesus Christ's personality traits (other than meek, kind, and all that jazz), I'm fairly sure sarcastic would make the list.  No joke.  Well after today, I feel like I'd have a great answer to pipe in with all the other stay at home moms of the neighborhood: after doing what seemed like a restaurant load of dishes today, there is this fake draw right below the sink that is going to get a knuckle sandwich.  The sink in our house is on an island in the middle of the "great room" (very domestic words, right?), so the switch for the garbage disposal is in the cupboard under the sink.  I can't tell you how many times I went to go for the garbage disposal switch and I pulled the knob on the fake draw.  I'm not sure if that can compete with freshly mopped floors getting dirty again, but I'd be in the running!

The Notorious Fake Drawer

Well, my devoted blog readers, the dinner is almost out of the oven and I just knew I had to round out my day with a blog post, because that is what my inner housewife was telling me to do.  Later I'm going to go on a run with another lady from the neighborhood tonight.  I mean, you have to stay fit for the husband.  Am I right ladies?

I know technically to be a housewife, one has to be a "wife," but come on, look at Ramona of the Real Housewives of New York City, or Gretchen of Orange County, or Kim of Atlanta!  I already bought some throwing wine at the grocery store so I'll be all ready for a lavish dinner party this weekend.  Amen.

For some reason I felt this should end with an 'amen.'  Please put your complaints in the "Lauren's Sacrilegious Complaint Box," and in the "English Spellings Complaint Box" I'm going to put "why is sacrilegious not spelled 'sacreligious?'"  Amen, again.